Parts Of Lasagna, Ranked

"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader) 08/10/2017 at 14:23 • Filed to: Foodlopnik, Lasagna, lunch

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Lasagna is the best comfort food: fact. Here are some thoughts I had while eating some.

Seasonings are a given, so they’ve been omitted from the rankings because they’re kind of all over. Everything else? Welp:

5. Noodles : These are basically the mortar of the lasagna. The bits that hold it all together. An excellent means to layer many delicious things, but at the end of the day, you’re looking at the brick, not the mortar, aren’t you?

4. Tomato sauce : Can be delicious, but ultimately, it’s a tomatoey sauce, and tomatoey sauces are best in supporting roles than in a mouthful of deliciously seasoned cooked tomato. I hate tomatoes, but I’m strangely okay when they’re prepared in stuff (sauces, salsas, pico de gallo, sun-dried tomato things).

3. Tasty sausage bits : I am carnivorous. I eat the meat. I enjoy the little chunks-o-sausage or whatever in lasagna. That cow? (I think it’s cow?) did not die in vain. I am enjoying his moo-moo? flesh in my lunch. If the meat is mediocre, it gets ranked under the sauce. Lasagna sauce is pretty good. But my lunch had sausagey bits, and I am 100% pro-Italian sausage bits.

2. Ricotta cheese : If you use cottage cheese, you’re just wrong. Ricotta or bust. Ricotta is fluffy clouds of happiness and the oozing of tomato sauce in between it all is the beeeeeest.

1. Gooey melty white cheese : I know this is the reason I burn my mouth on lasagna, but the layer of gooey cheese on top is the great crowning achievement of the lasagna. It’s why lasagna is the best food. There’s cheese on top of more cheese. So much cheese. I love cheese. Melty cheese is the food equivalent to a large pile of Puffalumps. It’s a hug for your mouth. The more, the merrier. Bonus points if the entire top of the dish is covered in oozy cheese.

[This has been Stef Eats Lunch. I’m aiming to get back to my regular transportation-related programming next week, hopefully with a couple big features about cool stuff. In the meantime, there’s a pile of Puffalumps that needs me.]  

TheHondaBro > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:27

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Fact: Sriracha sauce is bomb on lasagna.

WilliamsSW > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:27

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OK, I would move the sausage and sauce higher, personally - but really - WHO ON EARTH IS USING COTTAGE CHEESE? That’s just wrong wrong wrong.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:32

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Needs more garlic bread on the side

Chariotoflove > TheHondaBro 08/10/2017 at 14:33

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Can confirm, this is the most factual fact in the multiverse.

Party-vi > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:34

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LIES AND DECEIT THERE IS ONLY ONE PARTS OF LASAGNA AND THAT IS THE LASAGNA

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > WilliamsSW 08/10/2017 at 14:35

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I just assume it’s gingers

Textured Soy Protein > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:35

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As a fellow lasagna enthusiast, allow me to blow your mind with a lasagna-like creation.

Gino’s Italian Deli here in Madison has awesome lasagna, which you can order in individual servings, small and large party trays.

But they have another creation called Pasta al Forno (literally “baked pasta”) that’s a layer of meat sauce, topped by a layer of ziti, mozzarella & red sauce, topped by a layer of ricotta, spinach & mushrooms, topped by another layer of ziti, mozzarella & red sauce, topped by a layer of pesto.

Oh good lord is it good.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:36

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There is no meat on that lasagna you have in the picture, therefore it is not lasagna

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:37

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Whoa there, Garfield. The ricotta is the mortar, the noodles are the build blocks, the sauce is the insulation, the sausage is the furniture, and the melted cheese is the roof.

WilliamsSW > MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s 08/10/2017 at 14:39

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I don’t know who it is, but I am absolutely disgusted by the mere thought of it.

My citroen won't start > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:40

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Hot take: Salmon lasagna is best Lasagna.

EL_ULY > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:44

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Only lasagna I’ve ever had.

bobbe17 > Textured Soy Protein 08/10/2017 at 14:46

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Can confirm about the Lasagna, had some last year. It was fantastic.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > My citroen won't start 08/10/2017 at 14:47

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You’re not wrong.

Chariotoflove > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:47

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This post qualifies you for your own Food Network show. It should be called Stef Eats All The Things . In exchange for a producer credit, I will help clear the leftovers.

Some lasagna-specific thoughts:

5. They sell special pasta that you don’t have to pre-cook. The truth is that all lasagna pasta can be used without pre-cooking. It absorbs enough liquid from the other ingredients to be al dente at the end. Try using left over polenta slices instead of pasta. I got the idea from Jeff Smith on his Fugal Gourmet show once. It’s awesome.

4. The sauce is the key. American companies put added sugar in their sauces and make it too sweet. I make my own from the family recipe. It makes the dish.

3. Italian sausage is the best. I mix it with ground beef to make it not so greasy.

2. Cottage cheese is an abomination. Who does this? They need to be shot.

1. Equal parts Provolone, Mozarella, and Parmesan. Perfect cheese combo. Perfect, I say.  

bobbe17 > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:50

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There was lasagna in our cafeteria today. I didn’t partake due to my Italian heritage caused sense of sauce superiority (if the red sauce isn’t home made I likely won’t be eating it). They were saying how great the ricotta cheese was that was melting out the sides and then being stringy while cutting. I had to educate them that ricotta is the fluffy cheese and it’s either mozzarella or parmesan that’s the melty part.

WilliamsSW > Chariotoflove 08/10/2017 at 14:57

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If anyone disagrees with you on any of this, they are a terrible person. Especially #2 and #4.

Stapleface > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 14:58

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I’d argue that individually all of the lasagna components are average when taken separately. But when all combined it’s something entirely better. Kind of like Devastator

Chariotoflove > WilliamsSW 08/10/2017 at 15:00

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We, the enlightened, shall stand fast against the unwashed masses threatening our culinary purity.

WilliamsSW > Chariotoflove 08/10/2017 at 15:03

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I argue frequently with my wife over #4, actually. Jar sauces have a lot of added sugar, and it’s incredibly easy to make your own (but better!) with good quality canned tomatoes.

DAllenR2 > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 15:04

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I find that the homemade sauce is the best but it has to be cooked down to where it is nice and thick or it causes the lasagna to be a runny mess...and ricotta is 100% on point.

I found out that our “family recipe” is just the old Better Homes and Gardens cook book recipe and I still love it!

Chariotoflove > WilliamsSW 08/10/2017 at 15:06

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Classico is the only jar brand I find acceptable in a pinch. Be patient with your wife. Like mine, her taste buds may have been abused in her youth.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > My citroen won't start 08/10/2017 at 15:24

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I didnt know this was a thing until right now

Svend > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 15:32

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Woah. Ricotta cheese? No no no. Bechamel sauce.

A good lasagne should be with a good bechamel cheese sauce with grated mature Cheddar, Gruyère or Parmesan cheese.

A nice ragu with 60% beef and 40% pork, onions, mushrooms, and green peppers for that little extra crunch.

Ragu sauce, then fresh pasta sheet, bechamel sauce, ragu, pasta sheet, bechamel sauce, ragu, pasta sheet. Top off with plenty of bechamel cheese and grate some Parmigiano-Reggiano or my favourite, Pecorino cheese. Then lightly dust with some cracked black pepper.

Served with a couple of slices of garlic and parsley buttered chiabatta.

Lasagne with mini rosties and a provalone flatbread.

But just as rewarding is mushroom and ricotta ravioli on beef ragu topped with crispy diced panchetta and a sprinkling of Pecorino cheese.

Panchetta and mushroom carbonara with a caramelised onion and mozzarella with torn proscuito and added cheese.

Spaghetti bolognese with a smoked garlic fougasse.

Simple carbonara with garlic bread.

Also needs good wine.

WilliamsSW > Chariotoflove 08/10/2017 at 15:33

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I think that’s entirely possible. I am patient - also, making good sauce for her helps me make that sale, too. :)

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > EL_ULY 08/10/2017 at 16:13

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This is just sad.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 16:16

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Noodles are the mortar? No, no, no - they’re clearly very thin bricks.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 16:18

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WRONG! The best part is the crispy edge

Steve in Manhattan > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 16:18

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Lasagna is my favorite food. And July is Lasagna Awareness Month, if anyone cares. That said, different parts of lasagna can be the best depending on who makes it. When I make it, I use my own bolognese and fresh pasta sheets. The best part might be the pasta/ricotta parts, but the crunchy top is right up there. And if I use sausage in my bolognese, that makes all the work worthwhile.

Steve’s Bolognese Sauce  

1/8 stick butter

1/8 cup olive oil

3 garlic cloves, chopped

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 carrot, finely chopped

1 celery stalk, finely chopped

Tablespoon each basil, mint (both fresh if avail.), 1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes – 1/4 tsp fresh grated nutmeg

salt and pepper to taste

½ lb. Beef - finest kind/grind; ½ lb. Pork - finest kind/grind (or veal or sausage, if desired)

6-8 oz. of thick-cut bacon, chopped

1/2 can tomato paste

3/4 cup red wine

1 ½ cups beef stock

1/4 cup cream (optional)

Directions

1) brown meat and set aside; heat fat in heavy frying pan on medium, cook garlic slowly until it just changes color, add onion, carrot, celery, and spices, cook until onion is just translucent;

2) raise heat, add bacon and cook for 2 more minutes 

3) deglaze with red wine, cook for 1 minute – add beef stock, stir, then add tomato paste; 

4) cover and cook on lowest heat, adding stock and wine if the sauce becomes too dry – from 2-3 hours;

5) finish with cream (optional) – cook 2-3 minutes until sauce sets;

6) serve over pasta, or anything else you wish.

Chariotoflove > WilliamsSW 08/10/2017 at 16:40

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Yes, my best influence over the years has been by example. She loves eating what I make.

ZHP Sparky, the 5th > Chariotoflove 08/10/2017 at 17:53

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Absolutely agree. Homemade sauce makes all the difference. Either get fresh ones and make it yourself – or even just canned tomatoes with your own spice mix is miles better (and even cheaper) than whatever crap in a bottle most premade pasta sauces are.

I rarely like tomatoes but cannot wait for those damn things on the vine to ripen already. For lasagna I tend to like straight beef, but a good homemade pork sausage with pasta is amazing. We got a ton of fresh eggs from a family farm this past weekend so the wife made some awesome pasta from scratch to use it up and mixed it up with homemade pork sausage, mushrooms, and truffle oil. Definitely not complaining that I get to eat that same meal for the next 3 meals straight!

Nisman > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 17:56

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This is so good

DipodomysDeserti > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 18:38

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People use cottage cheese in lasagna? This is a thing? I don’t want to live on this world anymore.

Sometimes I’ll cut super thin slices of eggplant or zucchini, fry them, and use them as the pasta instead of pasta. It melts in your mouth and is delicious.

DipodomysDeserti > Chariotoflove 08/10/2017 at 18:43

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RIght? I have never heard of people using cottage cheese in lasagna. This makes me violently angry. They’re probably also using bratwurst and katsup.

just-a-scratch > EL_ULY 08/10/2017 at 19:08

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That’s just a box of lies.

Chariotoflove > ZHP Sparky, the 5th 08/10/2017 at 19:55

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That sounds great. My mom uses the Roma tomatoes from the garden. Sometimes she strains the seeds. Sometimes not. I have to used canned because I don’t have enough room for tomato plants, but I use fresh herbs from my garden. Then I freeze some back in aliquots.

I saw Emeril make his out of fresh ground cuts of beef, pork, and lamb, but I’ve never gotten around to trying that. Beef alone is okay, but it needs extra seasoning that you don’t need when you use sausage.

Chariotoflove > DipodomysDeserti 08/10/2017 at 20:01

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It makes me violently ill.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Stef Schrader 08/10/2017 at 22:15

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I think the meat is typically pork sausage rather than beef.

To me, lasagna is one of those things that’s greater than the sum of its parts. Noodles, tomato sauce, cheese and sausage are great, but they become something special when you bake it all in the oven for a while.

Stef Schrader > Chariotoflove 08/11/2017 at 00:23

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I would totally do this show. Yo Food Network, call me. I’m good at eating.

Stef Schrader > WilliamsSW 08/11/2017 at 00:26

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I’m kind of shocked at all the scary places folks sneak sugar into things. It’s like whoa, whoa, whoa—this is a savory thing. Please let me savor the savory instead.

Stef Schrader > My citroen won't start 08/11/2017 at 00:26

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HOLY CRAP I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE

Stef Schrader > Party-vi 08/11/2017 at 00:27

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Lasagna comes from somewhere!

You see, when some noodles, cheese, sauce and meat love each other very much...

Stef Schrader > EL_ULY 08/11/2017 at 00:28

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You gotta fix this. Probably one of the better Hamburger Helpers, but Lasagna: There Is No Substitute .

Stef Schrader > Textured Soy Protein 08/11/2017 at 00:29

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Oh my gosh, I love pesto. Pesto and I are BFFs.

Stef Schrader > TheHondaBro 08/11/2017 at 00:29

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Can confirm, as are most hot sauces.

Stef Schrader > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 08/11/2017 at 00:30

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But ricotta’s too flavorful to be mortar. It’s closer in consistency to mortar, but definitely one of the standout features of lasagna.

Stef Schrader > Svend 08/11/2017 at 00:31

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That is quite different than ‘Murican lasagna, but would eat, 10000%.

(hold the mushrooms, though—cannot into mushrooms)

Stef Schrader > Steve in Manhattan 08/11/2017 at 00:34

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mmmmm sauce

Stef Schrader > bobbe17 08/11/2017 at 00:35

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A worthy correction.

Stef Schrader > gin-san - shitpost specialist 08/11/2017 at 00:35

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You’re probably right. I’m an eater, not a cooker.

Stef Schrader > Stapleface 08/11/2017 at 00:35

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Yessssss. Devastator of my belly.

Stef Schrader > DipodomysDeserti 08/11/2017 at 00:36

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Yep, that’s a thing. Usually seen in more rural places where ricotta is still *exotic*.

Stef Schrader > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 08/11/2017 at 00:36

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hahahaha

Stef Schrader > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 08/11/2017 at 00:36

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Yeah. Hold the radishes. Add mounds of garlic bread.

Stef Schrader > MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s 08/11/2017 at 00:37

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Would still devour, meat or no meat.

Stef Schrader > DAllenR2 08/11/2017 at 00:37

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Ooooooh yes. I’ve had too-runny sauce before. It’s a superbad time.

Svend > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 00:38

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Mushrooms, hmmmmmm........ deal.

Steve in Manhattan > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 00:46

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The sauce is a bit fussy, but give it a try.

DipodomysDeserti > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 02:12

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Those silly Eyetalians and their silly cheeses.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 07:49

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Me too, but it’s not lasagna in my book

WilliamsSW > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 07:53

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Seriously! ! Sugar is freaking everywhere! !!

The sauce is supposed to have balance, and sugar cancels out the acidity of the tomatoes, but it also kills the fresh taste of the tomatoes when you over use it (as all the manufacturers do) Besides, there are other ways to balance the acidity (onion, carrot to name a couple).

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 09:05

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And why did this not get shared to Black Flag/Jalopnik?

Leon711 > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 10:46

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That’s different to any lasagne I’ve had.

Seriously, we go hard on the bechamel sauce and cheddar (British cheddar) in the UK, it’s nowhere near as thick of a layer. We use minced beef typically with a ragu style sauce and separate it with sheets of pasta.

CalzoneGolem > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 10:54

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This will change how you view lasagna forever .... pepperoni.

Stef Schrader > WilliamsSW 08/11/2017 at 13:25

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I like some acidity.

(says the person who can and will chug malt vinegar straight from the bottle)

Stef Schrader > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 08/11/2017 at 13:27

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It’s entirely about my lunch and not the cars.

Stef Schrader > Leon711 08/11/2017 at 13:28

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Now I’ve got to try the British version. I love me some cheddar.

Stef Schrader > CalzoneGolem 08/11/2017 at 13:28

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Would eat.

WilliamsSW > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 13:29

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Ha!! You and I think alike on that - I love virtually anything acidic. My wife is convinced that I’m going to give myself an ulcer with all of the acidic foods I eat, but so far, so good!

And when I make a quick tomato sauce, I don’t put any sugar or onion in it at all - just a bit of minced garlic is the only thing that would counteract the tomatoes at all.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 16:34

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I really don’t think that matters.

Leon711 > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 18:33

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It’s definitely comfort food here, cheddar of course can be replaced with mozzarella, but in think it’s a bit too stringy for it.

There’s a recipe for a slightly fancy Lasagne below, I think things like nutmeg are unnecessary, but to be fair I just buy a jar of ragu and add vegetables if I’m making it at home.

Typically served with potato wedges or thick fries and garlic bread because we love carbs on carbs on carbs in the UK.

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/3280/easiest-ever-lasagne?amp=

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Stef Schrader 08/11/2017 at 19:50

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I’m primarily an eater, too. If I cooked as much as I watch cooking shows I’d be Gordon “It’s Fucking Raw” Ramsey.

LongbowMkII > Leon711 08/14/2017 at 19:10

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bechamel? interesting. love it on monte cristos

punkgoose17 > EL_ULY 08/14/2017 at 20:18

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You made me cry.

You need to make real lasagne.

1. Marinara

2. Lasagne noodles

3. Ricotta cheese mixed with provolone, mozzerella, and romano cheese

Repeat these layers

You can add sausage as a layer. If you use enough marinara you don’t even need to precook the noodles.

punkgoose17 > Leon711 08/14/2017 at 20:22

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That should not be called lasagne. It might be good, but my Nonno would not approve of it.

punkgoose17 > Svend 08/14/2017 at 20:29

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That lasagne with bechamel and gruyere should not be called lasagne. It might be good, but my Nonno would not approve of it. Is that a British recipe or does it come from France or elsewhere?

EL_ULY > punkgoose17 08/14/2017 at 21:26

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I’ll look up how to make a good tangy sauce from scratch also. It will for sure need some sort of meat